"Bailie, I saw the link to your blog from a friend's Facebook page. I have never met you and probably never will but I have tears in my eyes as I read every post on this page. I was married to an addict for 5 years. Finally I could not take lying to our kids to make sure they didn't know what was going on, I could not take lying to myself that I, Myself, could make this person stop using. We ended up divorcing after 7 years of dating and 5 years of marriage. We had 2 very small boys that were the world to me and they were what mattered, not me and not my husband. It has been 6 years since my husband and I divorced. I had to realize that there was nothing I could to do make him stop using. No matter how many times I asked if his drugs were more important than his wonderful children, how many times I asked him to stop, it wouldn't work. This was a decision that he had to make on his own. He would not/could not change because it was something I wanted him to do. He had to want it for himself. I can happily report that he finally came to his 'senses' and has been clean for 2 almost 3 years and we are trying to work on being a family again. It has been and always will be something that we will always battle as a family. Everyday I am thankful for what we have together. I can only imagine having to deal with such a serious issue when you were so young. I look forward to hearing more of your story and pray that your mother realizes what a special angel she has in you!"
Anna, I honestly hope that one day we will be able to meet! You seem like such a strong woman for many reasons, but one that stood out to me was knowing and understanding that your husband could only change when he was ready. I'm sure it was awful watching him hurt himself and ruin your marriage, but really you had no other choice. I'm sure he loved you and your beautiful boys, but unfortunately people on drugs care about one thing more than their family and friends-and that is the drug. While my mom was on drugs I tried everything to get her to stop, but unfortunately I could not do that, and it sucked because all I wanted to do was help the one person who had helped me so many times!
Good for you for removing yourself and your kids from the situation; I will assume it was not easy, but seems like it was worth it. I'm extremely happy to hear that your story has a happy ending! Thank you for reading, and please keep posting, good luck with everything!
There is a show called Under the Influence: Kids of Alcoholics on Nickelodeon; it premieres Sunday, November 14, 2010 at 9pm ET/PT. I will be recording it, and would like to ask whoever will benefit, or is just interested, to check it out!
Thank you all, once again, for being so optimistic and supportive :)
My sister was/is my best friend and I thought at the time that I knew everything about her life. What I didn't know was that she was ditching school everyday to get high, that when she was sneaking out of our bedroom at night that she wasn't just going to see her boyfriend, but was going to do coke with friends. My parents knew we were close and that she confided in me, and I covered for her for far too long. Every time she snuck out she would wake me up and let me know where she was going. Sometimes she would get caught and our parents would wake me in the middle of the night asking where she was, and as her sister and best friend I would lie and say I didn't know. It got to the point that everyday upon being dropped at school, I would go inside and she would pretend to walk in with me, then the second my dad would pull away from the curb, she would turn around and walk down the block to an older friend’s house. She began to loose weight, and rarely ate with the rest of us. She admitted to me one day that she wasn't hungry because she was high. Sometimes it was coke, sometimes ecstasy or pills (oxycotton, xanax, etc...). Things with her and our parents progressively got worse and worse, screaming matches about grades and curfews, and a whole assortment of things. Finally one morning I had to be at school earlier than my sister and left the house before anyone was awake. About midday I got called to the school office to take a phone call. It was my sister calling from the airport to tell me she was being sent away to a wilderness rehab camp, she would be hiking all day, 7 days a week for the next 6 weeks with no communication with the world. I was unbelievably angry that my parents would do this, but I was young and didn’t understand the severity of her situation. After 6 weeks of wilderness school I thought I was getting her back, only to find out that she would not be returning, but finishing her sophomore year of high school, as well as her junior year, at a boarding school in Utah, aka a rehab facility. We were not allowed much communication with her at first, but were eventually allowed to visit about 6 months into her therapy. She had changed so drastically I did not even recognize her. She was surprisingly happy and content with her situation and had no desire to return home to all of the people that had started her interest in drugs. She stayed in Utah for the next year and returned back home for her senior year of high school. I had never seen her more motivated, nor so serious about going to college. She had a lot of school to make up for all of the classes she had failed and worked harder than anyone I have ever known so she could get into her dream school, UC Berkeley. Come the following year not only was she starting at UC Berkeley, but was admitted to the honors political science program there. I know that rehab does not work for everyone, and that sometimes it isn’t even an option, but I cannot imagine what my family would be like if my sister had stayed on the path she was on.
ReplyDeleteWhat inspiring stories. Thank you both for sharing. It is so helpful to hear such stories of courage.
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