Anonymous

"bailie, i really appreciate all the things you are doing. although ive never had to deal with someone i really loved (other then friends) getting into such a thing as heroin, all the stories brought to mind that its not just the hardcore drugs like heroin. any drug can cause pain and disapointment. I remember my first love. during the time i dated him i had strong morals against anything and everything except drinking. im talking smoking pot, cigarettes, anything. our friends smoked and what not but my boyfriend and i were above it. when we started going through some rough times, it was weed that ultimately ruined our relationship. He started smoking with his friends and hiding it from me. i would smell it on him and it felt like i drank a vat of acid. i could literally feel the pain from my throught all the way to my stomach and everywhere. i wanted to say so many things to him and often i did but again, many times i couldnt even comunicate to him the things i wanted to say bc i felt soooo sick.I just wanted so badly to fix things with him. i would invite him over after school and hed agree and i would get sooo excited. id run home and clean the whole house. think everything through down to what i wanted to be doing when he walked him, and then i would sit there for hours waiting for him to show up. IF he showed up, he was almost always late and always high. smoking weed was more important to him then i was. wed hang out for an hour and when hed leave id cry. id stay up for hours at night waiting for him to call and balling my eyes out. now when i think about it though, im not so sure if i hated him for smoking or if i hated him for doing something without me. and this is how a simple things like pot threw my life off course. i was a smart, athletic girl and i had everything in front of me. yet, he was having fun so i had to have more fun. i began drinking heavily...like HEAVILY!!! just to make him jelous. i began smoking cigarettes (even though so many people i love i have lost to cancer) to throw it in his face that i wasnt as much of a "good girl" as he thought. i dabbled in a few other things, some that i havent been able to kick yet, and all that i never thought i would ever do. i lost all my morals and beliefs thats i was sooo proud of. although my life is not completly out of control...i honestly feel like i would have accomplished way more, and would have been way more proud of myself if that had never happened. i wish drugs never exsisted."

Well Anonymous, I know exactly what that's like! I started smoking pot, drinking, and dabbling with other things when I was younger because of guys or because thats what was "cool"-really it's not. I did cheerleading for a long time and then in High School all I cared about was drinking and getting high too, and I wound up missing out on a lot of fun times with some other friends-best friends that I ditched! It's also really crazy how much boys are involved in that sort of thing; when we really "love" someone we'll do a lot of things to make them "love" us back-those things may not necessarily be the right things or even what we want to do.

Also, I agree with you 100% that it's not just the hard drugs that make us do bad things. I know a lot of people who smoke weed often who have never tried hard drugs, and I know a lot of people that once they tried smoking weed started trying a whole bunch of things. It depends on the person definitely-I don't smoke weed anymore because I don't like the way it makes me feel, but I don't necessarily think people shouldn't smoke, and I do think smoking can ABSOLUTELY lead to other things.

Thank you very much for posting! Maybe you're boyfriend smoking pot wasn't as bad as other stories on the blog, but it still effected you in a very strong way. I'm glad to hear your life is not out of control, and I hope that one day all habits will be kicked so you will be able to enjoy all that life has to offer :)